A couple of months ago, I sent a guest pitch e-mail for my photo-documentary book Arn? Narn. to Jon Stewart of The Daily Show on Comedy Central. Unlike many others I’ve submitted, someone from his show did respond and for that I give them immense credit.

However, they turned me down. OK. I can live with that. I’m not happy about it, but, you know, it happens. But as those who know me, I am one persistent SOB. I wouldn’t let it end there.

Shortly after my summary dismissal by The Daily Show, I sent them a press kit with pictures, info, a really nice personal letter, with a link to the video book trailer for Arn? Narn. (If you haven’t seen it, just go to YouTube and type in my name. It’ll be the best 3 minutes and seven seconds of your day. Well, maybe not the best, but good.) This time, no response. Now I understand they’re busy and all that, but consider with what.

A couple of months ago, Jon had on an author named Paula Broadwell. Yes, THAT Paula Broadwell. She was out there thumping for her book, All In. OK,  granted she looks a hell of lot better than me. Hell, she looks a lot better than most of us. I give her that. And then it came out she slept with some famous general, a Petraeus or someone. Patton maybe. OK, Jon, she’s got me beat there too.

But Jon, listen to me, over here by the third camera; is that what The Daily Show is now stooping to? It’s kind of tacky in a National Enquirer sort of way. What’s next? the Kardashians? Let’s get back to the kind of issues of which you do so well.

As I mentioned, there’s this new book out called Arn? Narn. OK, I’ll cop to it. I’m the author. And it’s about a very serious issue, the kind that’s perfect for your show despite what your underpaid talent booker says. And by now, you should have received an autographed copy complete with a personal message from me just for you. You think FedEx is cheap? What are you waiting for?

So yeah, I could go to that Colbert guy, but, really? He doesn’t have the gravitas nor the insight that you possess. And he doesn’t have a copy of the book either. Uh, hold on for a min…

What’s that Stephen? You heard about my book? Wait a mo…

C’mon Jon…no, no, not Colbert! It’s always been you.